My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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