I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
