Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
