So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize