I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
