Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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