dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize