I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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