they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
