There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize