Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
