Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
