He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
