My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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