i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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