Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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