I just made out with a guy for $7.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
