Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
