if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
