I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i will never coherently bang her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
