Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
