You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Come share oat with me in your robe
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
