Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
