i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize