The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
