He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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