You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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