I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
