The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
