she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
