She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
