I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
