She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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