Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
