The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
