you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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