if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had to cum in my sink.
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