I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
