Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
