I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
