I'm going to jail i love you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
