Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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