i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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