Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
