glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think i have two assholes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
