and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
