I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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