i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
