I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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