I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
