I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
