So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
