garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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