You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
