The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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