someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
