i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
