Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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