what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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