I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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