I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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