the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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