Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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