love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize