I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
