my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
