No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
