yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
