It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
